I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
