STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
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i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
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This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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