Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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