The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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