In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Farmville is her only friend.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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