Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
