I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
