At least make sure they are 18
Why
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
