But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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