guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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