It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
