I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
