I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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