i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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