DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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