why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
try to milk me bitch
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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