found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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