Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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