I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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