dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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