i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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