and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i dont even know how to be here
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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