I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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