If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
