people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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