I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
