You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
