what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
