I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
