i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
