I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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