Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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