...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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