last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
