you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
