She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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