I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
too bad you live with your parents still
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
