12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Dicks are not precious.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
