I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
