Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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