somebody snuck up and got me drunk
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
