2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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