Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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