Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
