I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
