I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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