Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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