Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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