There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Randomize
