What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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