U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
