some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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