I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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