some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
