I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
