your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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