Christians are straight up FREAKS
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
