Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
