mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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