i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Can't talk, ducks in the car
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
