Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
