Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I FOUND THE LEGS
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
