I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
